6 weeks and counting

We have just past the 6 week mark, and I have a few - very few - minutes to write and reflect about all that has gone on. It feels like time is going by so quickly - and yet I am living in a vacuum where I measure minutes by the amount of time Hank has slept, when he is supposed to wake, and how much he has eaten. Life happens in 3 hour increments. I feel like I am holding my breath a lot. Overall, it's been good and is getting better. Though I feel like I cross my fingers every time I say that. I always fear he will never go back to sleep - so far no matter what he goes down around 10pm, this is largely just my anxiety talking - but I can't seem to shake it.

There are been some rough days - I had mastitis during the 4th week - yikes that is hard and scary! Though I recovered quickly, it was 24 hours of basically sleeping and feeding Hank. I've been trying to learn from that lesson, and try not to do too much - to make sure I nap every day and drink enough liquid. We also had a visit from a lactation specialist - I was holding Hank too far forward and not pulling him close enough to my body when he eats. That helped a lot - but HHT is still a bit of a wiggly boy, who likes to try to use his hands when he eats - for what? I know not! and tries to push off the arm of the rocking chair when he gets' tired - the better to keep himself awake! He is a wily little boy - but I feel like I'm getting much better at reading his signs.

Hank has learned to smile in the past week and often wakes with a grin. He is eating well and now weighs over 10lbs - yikes, is going to keep growing like this? He has already grown out of his newborn clothes, though his 3-6 month outfits are pretty big. He really doesn't cry much, but squawks and coos to see if we are around. If we ignore him, he can work up quite a wail when he is serious. Now that we are at the 6th week, our schedule is beginning to stabilize. It's nice when I can actually plan for a shower! and we can eat without one of us running in to calm him. Also, since he is awake a bit more, we have more time to play!

He likes to listen to music, and I often play the list I made for him in itunes - I made it the first week or so he was home - and I think it might be time for a new one. I'll try to post it when I can. He really reacts to some of the songs, and it's fun to see his reaction.

I keep thinking - "wow, 6 weeks" it goes by so quickly! I cannot imagine how women deal with going back to work at this point - it's too soon. I can barely get a shower, dress myself and eat 3 times a day - and that is with Terry home full-time as well. I know we are lucky - our jobs give us so much more flexibility then most people, and this time off is heaven! I love just being with him - watching him wake up, seeing his smiles and chuckles, watching him watch things - he loves the ceiling fans! We do such a disservice to families in the US by not investing in maternity leave and child care the way other countries do. It breaks my heart to even think about going back to work - and it's not for 3 months still!


Today it is so hot! and has been - and will be. Hank is a little off his game - sleeping more, but not eating as well. Stress for Mommy - both mental and physical! It is so bad, we really can't take him out in this weather, so I'm starting to feel a little house bound! Because he isn't eating as well, his sleep schedule is off - arrgh! Just one more day and hopefully we will be back to "normal".

I can't say enough how much I am depending on Terry, or how much I am appreciating everything he is doing. From changing poopy diapers, to walking the dog, to cooking almost all of our meals, and making sure I nap, he really has taken on a huge share of the work. I feel sad that I'm not "helping" him more - and rather miss myself - my chores - laundry and cooking - as well as feeling like myself - both in body and mind. I know it will come, I am still hugely hormonal and almost crying at the sappiest things - and the weight is coming off - but I miss my clothes. I love my clothes! and not wearing them feels so odd. Plus I have no idea how to dress this new body - it's much curvier then my old one - 36DD's! A far cry from my 34B's!

That being said, there is nothing sweeter then watching Terry gently give Hank a bottle, change his diapers, and put him to bed. It's so beautiful - one of the many memories I will cherish on this journey of parenthood!

I know things will continue to change dramatically in the next couple months - and I look forward to the next challenges, even as I know Hank will never be so small again. Each day passes and I breath a sigh of relief that holds both the joys of motherhood and it's sweet sorrows.