Busy Busy life, Busy Busy work, Busy Busy boy. It is all going on right now!
School goes right up to the 23rd! AArgh! The time between Thanksgiving and Christmas is always busy, especially on these years when Thanksgiving is late in November. That being said, thank god for the internet - as the place for all my holiday shopping this year! We were lucky enough to receive our first package of Christmas gifts today from Aunt Bea. Things for Hank, things for me, and most importantly, things for Duke! I have finished our card, but of course, made it a size that means I need special envelopes - so off to Jam paper I go - maybe today or tomorrow - depending on the nap that isn't really happening right now. Most gifts are bought, though photos have yet to be printed - lists have been made, and mostly crossed off. butter has been purchased for cookies and menus have been created for X-mas eve meals - actually did that ages ago!
Must go attend to nap not quite taken!
Saturday, December 13, 2008
Friday, November 7, 2008
Hank @6 Months
Do all mothers fall more in love with their babies every day? Is 6 months some sort of magical moment in their development. What is he trying to say with all that babbling? These are the questions that I am pondering during Hank's 6th month.
Now that sitting up is old hat for him, Hank has really been developing his holding, reaching, twisting and vocalizing skills. He still hasn't started crawling, but is pretty close - he holds his belly up in plank position and can get his knees down, but hasn't quite figured out the next step. He is working pretty hard at it, and I expect it to happen any moment. In the meantime he has added growling and grunting to his verbal skills - along with laughing and whining. It's been quite a busy month!
And then there's the peas! After two weeks of plain cereal, last week we added peas. At first it was not a big hit, but I finally figured out to mix them with some cereal, and he started to rather like them. This week we added avocado to his repertoire, again, not a hit at first - but today as his second day of them, he seemed to enjoy it. The faces he makes while eating, especially trying new foods are hysterical! I end of laughing all by myself - feeling a bit silly - but having a great time. We are still trying to get the hang of the sippy cup - he loves to chew on it - especially when it is cold out of the fridge - but doesn't seem to really drink anything.
More and more I just love being with him, watching him do stuff, hanging out with him. Seeing his personality develop is amazing - he has been working very hard on playing with his books, and as Terry remarked, often becomes quite engrossed in what he is doing. So much that he seems to find us annoying if we stop him during his activity. When engrossed he is quite serious - this learning and developing is important stuff - and if shoving Sophie the Giraffe in your mouth is an important aspect of it - then I am all for it!
I do find myself totally wondering if the traits he is developing now will last into his adult life. I seem to remember that Morgan was a pretty quite, watchful, relaxed baby - and he is now a quite, watchful, relaxed adult. It's fun to think about and ponder as he plays with his feet! He loves to laugh - and has spent quite a bit of time this month regaling us with his hoots and giggles. Last Sunday I visited by new mom-friend Lone, she is a Danish kitchen designer who lives in the neighborhood and has a daughter who is 2 months younger then Hank. While we were there he was having a little nip at the breast, and started farting, with each fart he would laugh, then I would laugh, then he would laugh again until we were just a hopeless giggling mess. It was a riot!
I've been carrying him in the ergo carrier so much we hardly ever use the stroller. It's just so easy to strap him on and go - but I'm not sure how it will all work once it gets cold. So far I've just tucked his feet under my coat and it's been fine, but once ugly wet windy weather arrives, we may go back to the stroller. I do love carrying him - he gets all snugly when he's in his carrier - and I love being so close. It seems like the motherhood dilemma. You want your baby with you, close to you, yet, there is much that you cannot do with him like that - type for instance - once he figures out that the keyboard is fun! Also, as much as he loves to be held, he wants to move, wiggle, dance, twist, knowing that you will be there waiting when he is done. It's like a dance you do together - now apart, now close. Trying to get the rhythm right is the trick! I hate it when I feel like we are not in sync. Those days, yesterday was one, are harder. I see how much sleep is an important component of all of this. For the wonderful election night - yeah!!! Obama! - Hank slept through the whole night! Then the next night he woke up at 5:30 and would not go back to sleep! And last night we were good - one wake to eat at 4:30 - a peep at 6am and awake right on schedule at 7am. I wish I knew what made the difference - because having 8 hours makes me feel so great! and waking at 5:30 does not!
Now that sitting up is old hat for him, Hank has really been developing his holding, reaching, twisting and vocalizing skills. He still hasn't started crawling, but is pretty close - he holds his belly up in plank position and can get his knees down, but hasn't quite figured out the next step. He is working pretty hard at it, and I expect it to happen any moment. In the meantime he has added growling and grunting to his verbal skills - along with laughing and whining. It's been quite a busy month!
And then there's the peas! After two weeks of plain cereal, last week we added peas. At first it was not a big hit, but I finally figured out to mix them with some cereal, and he started to rather like them. This week we added avocado to his repertoire, again, not a hit at first - but today as his second day of them, he seemed to enjoy it. The faces he makes while eating, especially trying new foods are hysterical! I end of laughing all by myself - feeling a bit silly - but having a great time. We are still trying to get the hang of the sippy cup - he loves to chew on it - especially when it is cold out of the fridge - but doesn't seem to really drink anything.
More and more I just love being with him, watching him do stuff, hanging out with him. Seeing his personality develop is amazing - he has been working very hard on playing with his books, and as Terry remarked, often becomes quite engrossed in what he is doing. So much that he seems to find us annoying if we stop him during his activity. When engrossed he is quite serious - this learning and developing is important stuff - and if shoving Sophie the Giraffe in your mouth is an important aspect of it - then I am all for it!
I do find myself totally wondering if the traits he is developing now will last into his adult life. I seem to remember that Morgan was a pretty quite, watchful, relaxed baby - and he is now a quite, watchful, relaxed adult. It's fun to think about and ponder as he plays with his feet! He loves to laugh - and has spent quite a bit of time this month regaling us with his hoots and giggles. Last Sunday I visited by new mom-friend Lone, she is a Danish kitchen designer who lives in the neighborhood and has a daughter who is 2 months younger then Hank. While we were there he was having a little nip at the breast, and started farting, with each fart he would laugh, then I would laugh, then he would laugh again until we were just a hopeless giggling mess. It was a riot!
I've been carrying him in the ergo carrier so much we hardly ever use the stroller. It's just so easy to strap him on and go - but I'm not sure how it will all work once it gets cold. So far I've just tucked his feet under my coat and it's been fine, but once ugly wet windy weather arrives, we may go back to the stroller. I do love carrying him - he gets all snugly when he's in his carrier - and I love being so close. It seems like the motherhood dilemma. You want your baby with you, close to you, yet, there is much that you cannot do with him like that - type for instance - once he figures out that the keyboard is fun! Also, as much as he loves to be held, he wants to move, wiggle, dance, twist, knowing that you will be there waiting when he is done. It's like a dance you do together - now apart, now close. Trying to get the rhythm right is the trick! I hate it when I feel like we are not in sync. Those days, yesterday was one, are harder. I see how much sleep is an important component of all of this. For the wonderful election night - yeah!!! Obama! - Hank slept through the whole night! Then the next night he woke up at 5:30 and would not go back to sleep! And last night we were good - one wake to eat at 4:30 - a peep at 6am and awake right on schedule at 7am. I wish I knew what made the difference - because having 8 hours makes me feel so great! and waking at 5:30 does not!
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Big Steps - Forward?
This week Henry took two big steps in his development - we started playing on the swings, and eating solid foods. So far, the swings are the bigger hit! He does rather hand there like a little rag doll - but things it's wonderful to swing - flying through the air! and generally laughs and giggles the whole time. Plus, I think it's a nice point of view for him - higher up and looking around! He is always very interested in what is going on around him - other kids, dogs, etc.
We also have been wading slowly into the big world of solid food. With very mixed success. We started because he seemed to be getting hungry - wanting to eat again soon after he had eaten, waking in the night at odd times - the signs appeared to be there for being ready. Plus, we have a new red high chair that he loves sitting in - and the spoons that he so enjoys playing with. So far, it's been a bit stressful for him. Of course, it is a big change from the "Mom Bar" that he has been used to. Last night he did pretty well with it - for the second night in a row I believe more food went in then on him. Tonight I may try to make his cereal a bit more solid - so far it's been soup on a spoon - so maybe some texture will help. He loves to watch Duke from his chair, and is thrilled for the new point of view on the world. I have found that if I don't try too hard (imagine that!) and be patient, he does eventually eat - but I can't push or try to make it happen too quickly. This seems like the lesson of motherhood in general - relax, let it happen, just sit and watch for it, don't try to make it happen too quickly. I keep trying to remind myself that this moment will only last for this moment, then it will be gone, replaced with something new to pay attention to.
For the past several weeks, Henry has been able to push himself backwards, but yesterday he started trying to figure out how to get his belly off the ground and crawl. He can push himself up, hold his belly in the air, and today during our Baby & Me pilates, put one knee down - it wont be long now until he is crawling! It does feel like it has happened so quickly. I only hope to get this stage documented before the next one starts. It seems like he has so many "moments" right now! Next week he is 6 months old! It has gone by so quickly.
I really feel like in the past couple weeks I have become more myself - my energy level feels more like what it was before - I have more interest in planning dinners - Terry still heroically cooks them - though I am trying hard to get things prepped for him - and I'm not picking anything to ambitious - most of the time! The chicken tangine we made on Sunday was really good! and tonight we are eating it's leftovers! I recommend preserved lemons! The really add a nice touch!
I hear Henry beginning to stir - his little sweet "coo" to signal that he is waking up. At the end of our pilates class today, Henry hung out with Nico, who is a week younger, but bigger. They had been eyeing each other the whole class, and ended up lying next to each other, pushing up and drooling at one another! It was seriously too cute!
We also have been wading slowly into the big world of solid food. With very mixed success. We started because he seemed to be getting hungry - wanting to eat again soon after he had eaten, waking in the night at odd times - the signs appeared to be there for being ready. Plus, we have a new red high chair that he loves sitting in - and the spoons that he so enjoys playing with. So far, it's been a bit stressful for him. Of course, it is a big change from the "Mom Bar" that he has been used to. Last night he did pretty well with it - for the second night in a row I believe more food went in then on him. Tonight I may try to make his cereal a bit more solid - so far it's been soup on a spoon - so maybe some texture will help. He loves to watch Duke from his chair, and is thrilled for the new point of view on the world. I have found that if I don't try too hard (imagine that!) and be patient, he does eventually eat - but I can't push or try to make it happen too quickly. This seems like the lesson of motherhood in general - relax, let it happen, just sit and watch for it, don't try to make it happen too quickly. I keep trying to remind myself that this moment will only last for this moment, then it will be gone, replaced with something new to pay attention to.
For the past several weeks, Henry has been able to push himself backwards, but yesterday he started trying to figure out how to get his belly off the ground and crawl. He can push himself up, hold his belly in the air, and today during our Baby & Me pilates, put one knee down - it wont be long now until he is crawling! It does feel like it has happened so quickly. I only hope to get this stage documented before the next one starts. It seems like he has so many "moments" right now! Next week he is 6 months old! It has gone by so quickly.
I really feel like in the past couple weeks I have become more myself - my energy level feels more like what it was before - I have more interest in planning dinners - Terry still heroically cooks them - though I am trying hard to get things prepped for him - and I'm not picking anything to ambitious - most of the time! The chicken tangine we made on Sunday was really good! and tonight we are eating it's leftovers! I recommend preserved lemons! The really add a nice touch!
I hear Henry beginning to stir - his little sweet "coo" to signal that he is waking up. At the end of our pilates class today, Henry hung out with Nico, who is a week younger, but bigger. They had been eyeing each other the whole class, and ended up lying next to each other, pushing up and drooling at one another! It was seriously too cute!
Thursday, October 2, 2008
Hank @5Months
I count my blessings; my child is healthy & happy. All the rest doesn't matter right now. It will again soon, and I do love my husband - we went to lunch this week, just the two of us and talked about work, art, life - almost no baby talk at all. It was great just to connect with him, sit with him, eat with him and not be tired like I am at dinner after Hank is asleep or be distracted like I am when Hank is with us at meals. I really like that man I married! I remember a friend saying to me before we got married, "the like is more important then the love" and it is so true. It's hard to love someone you don't like. You can do it for a while, but to be consistent - and have a lasting bond, you really have to like them.
I like Hank too - but really I just totally adore him! He is so funny, charming, and happy. It is a joy to go in and get him out of his crib when he wakes up. He generally chats when he wakes up and often has his blanket pulled over his head and his legs in the air. When he sees us he smiles and giggles. It is a fun game, and one he loves to play. It usually leads us to Peek-a-Boo! another thrill for the 5 month old boy!
This month he really is on the move - he rolls over easily and at will - sometimes lingering on his side along the way. Just this week he started pushing himself backwards - he gets frustrated when he can't get to where he wants - which is usually in front of him. So far he can't quite get that belly off the ground! I'm not sure he knows that he is moving backwards - but as soon as you put him down, off he goes! It can't be long now till he can move himself in a purposeful way. Let the baby-proofing begin! Terry has found a website for this - full of nifty gadgets and widgets. We shall see what we end up with. One thing is for sure - we will need to secure the dog food and the wine fridge!
I keep forgetting to write about one of the nicest parts of our routines - the go to sleep music. When I was pregnant and thinking about what did I want Hank to fall asleep to, one song stuck in my head - and you do not know it. It is the lullaby Dale wrote for Sean and I when we were kids living on the farm in Eaton Rapids. I can hear it in my head as Dale played in on the shiny black grand piano. It would echo as we walked up the yellow stairway to the red spot painted on the ceiling at the top of the stairs. I have a copy of it and we play it for Hank as he goes to sleep. It doesn't sound the same as the version in my head, but it does the trick. I find that when I hear it, I relax and settle in for our passage to dreamland. I love to think that Hank will grow up knowing and feeling safe and happy to the same song! It really feels like the best "gift" ever each time I hear it.
Two weeks ago we went to our first story time - for babies - at our favorite local bookstore. It was fun, but a bit like a baby-moshpit! Hank cried when I put him down, he was probably the youngest one there by a month or two - all the other babies seemed pretty mobile. Once the reading started he really enjoyed it - we talked to Stewart, the book reader, afterward and will try to go again, though it is at a time when he is often napping. And speaking of naps, I can hear the happy tones right now - so I will finish this soon!
I like Hank too - but really I just totally adore him! He is so funny, charming, and happy. It is a joy to go in and get him out of his crib when he wakes up. He generally chats when he wakes up and often has his blanket pulled over his head and his legs in the air. When he sees us he smiles and giggles. It is a fun game, and one he loves to play. It usually leads us to Peek-a-Boo! another thrill for the 5 month old boy!
This month he really is on the move - he rolls over easily and at will - sometimes lingering on his side along the way. Just this week he started pushing himself backwards - he gets frustrated when he can't get to where he wants - which is usually in front of him. So far he can't quite get that belly off the ground! I'm not sure he knows that he is moving backwards - but as soon as you put him down, off he goes! It can't be long now till he can move himself in a purposeful way. Let the baby-proofing begin! Terry has found a website for this - full of nifty gadgets and widgets. We shall see what we end up with. One thing is for sure - we will need to secure the dog food and the wine fridge!
I keep forgetting to write about one of the nicest parts of our routines - the go to sleep music. When I was pregnant and thinking about what did I want Hank to fall asleep to, one song stuck in my head - and you do not know it. It is the lullaby Dale wrote for Sean and I when we were kids living on the farm in Eaton Rapids. I can hear it in my head as Dale played in on the shiny black grand piano. It would echo as we walked up the yellow stairway to the red spot painted on the ceiling at the top of the stairs. I have a copy of it and we play it for Hank as he goes to sleep. It doesn't sound the same as the version in my head, but it does the trick. I find that when I hear it, I relax and settle in for our passage to dreamland. I love to think that Hank will grow up knowing and feeling safe and happy to the same song! It really feels like the best "gift" ever each time I hear it.
Two weeks ago we went to our first story time - for babies - at our favorite local bookstore. It was fun, but a bit like a baby-moshpit! Hank cried when I put him down, he was probably the youngest one there by a month or two - all the other babies seemed pretty mobile. Once the reading started he really enjoyed it - we talked to Stewart, the book reader, afterward and will try to go again, though it is at a time when he is often napping. And speaking of naps, I can hear the happy tones right now - so I will finish this soon!
Thursday, September 4, 2008
new bed, new semester
Well the semester has started, and though we are barely into it - it feels like a whole new world already. I love coming home to see my boy - and I rather love going to work. Funny it wasn't as hard as I thought it might be. I think I actually have the easy part - leaving! Terry and Jessica have it harder - as does Hank. He is doing well so far, but getting him to stay asleep for his mid-day nap has been a bit challenging. Otherwise, the kid is a champ! Eating well, playing, enjoying himself. I think once he starts eating solid food, it will be a bit easier on Terry and Jessica, and I am sure Duke will enjoy it as well.
We finally put Hank's crib up - he has been sleeping in his pack and play and was growing out of it - so it was time! It makes his room a bit cramped - but that is what you get for living in a puzzle. I think it's actually ok, but seems less spacious then before. He moves around so much though - it was really time for it to happen. Generally he wakes with coos and giggles - so though he has had a lot of new things this past week or so - I feel like he is doing well with it.
Now if we could just solve that nap problem - all would be well! Hank is really staring to "play" more and enjoys holding things and looking at them. I think he was trying to figure out how his duck, aka Duck-Butt works - legs, wings, beak. He was looking at his this morning, turning it around, really studying it. Of course as soon as I took out the camera, he only stared at me! But really he loved it!
We finally put Hank's crib up - he has been sleeping in his pack and play and was growing out of it - so it was time! It makes his room a bit cramped - but that is what you get for living in a puzzle. I think it's actually ok, but seems less spacious then before. He moves around so much though - it was really time for it to happen. Generally he wakes with coos and giggles - so though he has had a lot of new things this past week or so - I feel like he is doing well with it.
Now if we could just solve that nap problem - all would be well! Hank is really staring to "play" more and enjoys holding things and looking at them. I think he was trying to figure out how his duck, aka Duck-Butt works - legs, wings, beak. He was looking at his this morning, turning it around, really studying it. Of course as soon as I took out the camera, he only stared at me! But really he loved it!
Saturday, July 26, 2008
Hank @ 4 Months
The past month has flown by! I cannot believe Hank is 4 months old! I am trying to savor every moment as he grows and changes - knowing that once this stage of baby-hood is over - that's it. I am sure the next stage will have many wonderful moments and challenges too - but I cannot help feeling bittersweet for the ones that are falling away.
During the past month we visited family in Michigan, went to Fire Island, and as of yesterday started back to school. There has been a lot of activity and a lot of changes, and I think all of us are a bit weary and shell shocked - even Duke! Right now Hank has a fever - it began on Monday afternoon - our "practice" day for our fall schedule and I have been wracked with Mommy-guilt ever since. We see the doctor today - for the second time this week - and while when I went on Tuesday they said it was nothing, would clear up, I'm a bit distressed that it is lingering around. This is Hank's 4 month check up - and he will get shots! sad! I hate shots! But I am excited about how much he has grown, how long he is, and how much he weighs. He has already begun all his 4 month milestones and is really quite the strong, alert, and when he is not sick, happy boy of my dreams.
Before I forget there are a few things I wanted to be sure to write about. since he was born, Hank has been able to move his eyebrows independently - this is hysterical, as he often give me an eyebrow lift when he is eating. It seems like he is flirting with me - something else he has done since day one - and also somehow makes him seem wise and knowing! I get such a kick out of seeing him do it!
He is of course, like all babies fascinated with his hands - see photos in flickr for an especially good look at him playing with his hands. He has gotten much better at controlling them, and can now generally get things into his mouth - or just put his hands there. He does love to just look at them though - which is rather funny.
For years I have referred to Duke as my "little bunny" and I assumed that Hank would also be a bunny, and sometimes he is, but really he is a parrot. In public, if you cover his seat with a blanket, he will go to sleep - especially if there is a nice blanket of white noise about. We call this his "parrot mode" and can often plan on lunch or brunch out - after a little walk, knowing that Hank will be sleeping in his parrot mode very nicely. I'm sure he will start growing out of it - especially as he grows out of his infant seat/stroller and begins using his other one more, but I do cherish his parrot mode moments - both because he is so beautiful when he sleeps, and I just love having him with us and being out and about.
He has been enjoying his mobile, in the mornings we generally have quiet time when he plays in his bed and coos or squawks at it. He seems to be enjoying pulling his blanket over his head too, and can often be entertained with just a blanket or a wet washcloth. While we were in Michigan we started playing peek-a-boo, and I'm not sure if he is playing peek-a-boo by himself sometimes, or just likes the feel of the fabric. He is also enjoying his giraffe, Sophie, she is french you know, and when he really wants to gnaw on something she seems to really do the trick. While in Petoskey I bought Hank a triangle - I know it sounds stupid - but it's soft, and it squeaks and has little loops of ribbon hanging off it. He loves it -while we spent hours on the plane on our way home from Michigan, being diverted to Harrisburg PA because there was so much traffic at LaGuardia we couldn't land - it really saved the day. He likes the textures of the different ribbons, and can hold onto it easily. Along with his atom, it is one of the toys he really seems to enjoy.
During the month he started rolling over from his back to his front, and will often turn himself over while he is playing on his blanket - the beautiful one Aunt Ashley made is a special favorite - or even in his bed. While we were on Fire Island we never knew which way he would be in the bed when we went in to get him in the night, and we started having to check with a flashlight before we reached in, as he was hauled out upside down a couple times and really did not like that. I think at last we will move him into his crib at home this weekend and see how he does in it.
While I've been reading to him all along, he is really beginning to respond to the actual words I am reading, and not just the sound of my voice. Both Blueberries for Sal and Make way for Ducklings are special favorites right now because of the sounds -
Sal has a bucket she is supposed to be collecting berries in, and the sounds kerplink, kerplank, kerplunk always make Hank laugh - as does the names of the ducklings, Jack, Lack, Mack, Nack, Ouack, and Quack. He knows this is funny - which makes me laugh and then we read the names again so we are both laughing! I need to find some other books with similar language and sounds as I don't want to get sick of these old favorites of mine!
School has started and we are slowly getting onto our routine - I had one practice day and one real day of school this week. Hank did very well with being home with Terry and with Jessica, his lovely nanny. I was a wreck, but survived and was thrilled to come home to my little parrot-boy! I hope things continue to go well, Terry has evening classes two nights this semester and I miss him terribly when he is gone. It seems so odd to be without him after a summer of being always all 3 of us together!
Hank did come down with a fever and it is still lingering - 2 1/2 days, it's not super high, but worry-some and makes him cranky and sad. It's his first illness, and I am feeling so guilty - I go back to work, and he gets sick! Also, he was up in the night 3+ times instead of his usual 1 - so I am tired and a bit frustrated. It feels like we are moving backwards, but I am sure it will clear up once he is feeling better. We saw the Dr. on Tuesday because I am a nervous Mum, she said he would be fine - and we went in again today for his 4 month check up. He weighs 14 lbs and is 24 inches long. She proclaimed him very "proportional" - all his numbers are in exactly the same range, just below the 50th percentile. We will go back for his shots next week, as he wasn't feeling great and he cried throughout the whole appointment just to be sure we all knew it!
We are on track to start solid foods the week before his 6 month check up in October, and I am very excited about it. I have already been making baby food - so far just peaches, but will work on applesauce and some other nice mushes over the coming weeks. I am dying to have him sit at the table with us - he is working on sitting up - and though he tends to roll over onto his side after a couple minutes, he is getting much better at it. He practices with his Daddy at this, as well as on his standing up, and of course flying!
While it seems like we have taken a million photos of him - see here for the exhaustive collection I did miss some crucial moments in Michigan. I like to think I have them in my brain, but I do wish I had taken a few more of Hank - especially with his Great Grandma, and with his Nonna. I can't think of where my brain was - but I really cherish that he got to meet and interact with his family on this visit. Grandma Fritz is moving to Iowa and I'm not sure when we will get to see her again.
We also visited with the giant mob of people who constitute the Gray side of the family - the weather was beautiful in Bay View, and we had a good, though busy time. It seems like there was always something to do! For our next vacation, I would like to relax! We did make it to Fire Island on last time this summer, but once we get so close to school, neither Terry or I can really stop thinking about it - dam! But I guess truly the summer is over. It has been so magical to spend it with Hank, to see him grow and develop from the little tiny sprout to a sturdy active baby.
If I knew I would love being a mom so much, I would have done it sooner! But then I might not have gotten the magical child that is Henry. Thank you baby for waiting for me to be your mom - I love it! and I love you!
Friday, July 25, 2008
3 Months!
I can't believe it has been 3 months since Hank was born. It's been such an intense and amazing time. I love seeing him every morning and am still pretty amazed that Terry and I have such a beautiful little boy. Now that he is a little older, I feel closer to him and can read his mood and personality better. He is a happy baby who often wakes up cooing and gives me a big smile and a giggle when I go in to get him. He loves to talk and will often lie in his bed jabbering away. I would love to know what he is talking about - I think it's mostly about his hands right now - sometimes he seems to be thinking so hard you can almost see the wheels turning in his head. All this learning to live in the world is exhausting!
He did just discover his feet on Wednesday - it's Friday today, and was able to kick his mobile with them. This caused him to delight in laughter - also he's really enjoying moving his legs around. Light, shadow and movement, such at the ceiling fan capture his attention. Just this morning he spent almost a half an hour staring at the wall and looking at the shadows - and talking about it. He loves to talk about what he is doing and seeing. I try to keep up my end of the conversation as well. Sometimes he seems to just be practicing his sounds, and trying out new ones, while at other moments, he is talking to me about various things he is thinking about.
We have been rather startled by the sheer volume of drool Hank has been creating. I thought it wouldn't be so bad until he started teething - but nope, we have drool! Funny that I don't mind it too much, when you think about it, it is baby spit! If we have this much now, I wonder how much we will have when he does start teething - could be impressive! The other item that is visible in some of his photos is his cradle cap. It's getting better, but some mornings there are big chunks of it peeling off his head - I wonder if he picks at it in the night. I just want to peel it all off - but I do restrain myself! He also seems to have it on his neck, behind his ears, and in his armpits. I wash and moisturize him every day - he thinks it's funny - but it never really seems to go away. I wonder if the stuff on his head has to go first - then the rest will follow.
The stroller and the bjorn still put him to sleep, and when he is cranky - generally only when he is tired or hungry - but when he needs to get out of his space - the stroller is the best. Often he is asleep before we hit the end of the block. I was reminded of this during the week - we returned from our second trip to Fire Island - much more successful then our first - and no stolen luggage - but Hank was having trouble sleeping - and getting back on a schedule. A long walk in the stroller helped put him to rights - and last night he only woke up once between 8pm and 8am! He is starting to have more of a regular schedule and I'm sure once we go back to school in Sept. it will become even more so.
I've been playing music for him - The Beatles "Hibby-Hibby Shake" and "Twist and Shout" are a couple favorites right now. Apparently it's funnier when I sing them - so I do, and I dance around - this is very funny to him. He loves all our little games - on the changing table I touch nose with his bear's nose, then with mine - hysterical! and I have my hair run over his forehead - he loves this. We are exploring textures - the washcloth is one of his favorites! and he is beginning to really love looking at his books.
For the past month or so I've been reading to him - and he really responds, but now he is also looking at the pictures more and reaching for his toys a bit. Yesterday afternoon Hank "discovered" Duke. He just wanted to look at him, and if we moved his so he couldn't see Duke, he would cry. It was very funny. Duke was not that impressed and mostly showed Hank is butt - which was fine with Hank. He didn't really want to touch him, so much as look at him. While he has shown an interest in Duke now and then, this was the first time he really seemed to notice him - not just as part of the scenery, but as an important fixture in his life. I am sure once Hank starts throwing food at him, Duke will feel the same!
We have taken millions of photos of Hank, but still haven't captured the perfect smile - I want to get some prints made, but there are so many photos to look through it becomes quite a job. I've been so conscious of how fast Hank is growing, and how precious these days are. While we were on Fire Island I had Terry take a couple photos of me holding Hank all wrapped up - soon he will be too big to be held like that. It seems amazing to even think of it - but it is very true. I love just watching him play, kicking at his mobile, wiggling on his changing table, lying in my arms - it is very sweet and wonderful. I try to remind myself to enjoy and relish each new stage, as soon there will be a new one to take it's place.I feel like I could keep writing about all the little things, but I need to go wake him up so he doesn't sleep too long....
Saturday, July 5, 2008
Milestones
Yesterday Hank rolled over on his own. Yeah! He was crying while he did it - sad, but I think it gave him the extra momentum to get over. We try for tummy time every day, sometimes he likes it, sometimes not so much! But it's working and as soon as he figures out that he can roll over, I think he will enjoy it.
In spite of some random crankiness - referred to by us as "cranky-pants" Henry is an amazingly happy boy. He wakes up talking and smiles when you go get him. He laughs on his changing table and is beginning to really enjoy watching us make funny faces at him. He loves to wiggle and move all his limbs. As he gains control of his arms and legs I think he will really enjoy himself.
Last night he only woke up once, at 5:20am and then slept till about 8:30! I do really have to count my blessings as far as sleep and such - Hank is really an easy baby to care for. I think once he can move about I'll have to keep my eyes on him like a hawk, but I'm rather looking forward to it!
In spite of some random crankiness - referred to by us as "cranky-pants" Henry is an amazingly happy boy. He wakes up talking and smiles when you go get him. He laughs on his changing table and is beginning to really enjoy watching us make funny faces at him. He loves to wiggle and move all his limbs. As he gains control of his arms and legs I think he will really enjoy himself.
Last night he only woke up once, at 5:20am and then slept till about 8:30! I do really have to count my blessings as far as sleep and such - Hank is really an easy baby to care for. I think once he can move about I'll have to keep my eyes on him like a hawk, but I'm rather looking forward to it!
Friday, July 4, 2008
AARGH!
We spent the past week on Fire Island, the weather was beautiful, sunny, windy, rained at night - of course, now we have an infant so it was all different. That is not the bad part, on the way home our bag was stolen! While we were on the train home, between Patchough and Babylon, our bag was taken by some asshole. I hate things like that. Who does that? Yes there was a valuable camera in it - but that can be replaced. What cannot be replaced are all the little things, like the pictures - of Hank at the beach for the first time - that were on the camera. They stole our precious memories!
They also got my hand powered breast pump, a bottle full of breast milk, (that will come in handy I'm sure!) bottles, nipples, the mystery I was half-way through with - and for once I hadn't already read the ending! The first book of knitting patterns I bought - when all my girlfriends got pregnant and I started knitting up a storm - along with the yarn and needles for Hank's 6-12 month old sweater. It's not that these things cannot be replaced - but it's these things, the little details of your life that you miss. I packed my glasses in Hank's bag, or they would be gone - and as I need them when I wake in the night, I'm lucky to have them. It's not the expensive things, it's the details you miss.
And the pall it cast over our trip. I feel so anxious about travel with Hank as it is - and all the stuff we are moving around - his bed, extra diapers, etc. Getting it all there, being there, figuring it all out. I know as he gets older some of this will get easier - but right now, it feels like a huge extra project to figure out. Then to have it end so dramatically - I am completely bummed out!
Really, it was hard having him at the beach - too much sun! Funny, the weather was perfect, but we couldn't really enjoy it -every time we took him out we slathered him with sunscreen, made him wear a hat (he has not come to know the joy of hats yet) and wrapped a light blanket around him. It was a huge production. We sat on the beach once - it was too windy. Terry made an amazing lean to for Hank, but in the end, it was still not enough and we went back to the house. I really felt a little house bound - not that there is anywhere to go - that is the point, but even the beach was a huge project.
So now we are back, having to replace all our little details, and the camera! and I do not feel like I had a vacation. Also, I am completely freaking out that I will never lose the weight - that I will never have time for my self and my goals again. And that summer will be over before I know it.
They also got my hand powered breast pump, a bottle full of breast milk, (that will come in handy I'm sure!) bottles, nipples, the mystery I was half-way through with - and for once I hadn't already read the ending! The first book of knitting patterns I bought - when all my girlfriends got pregnant and I started knitting up a storm - along with the yarn and needles for Hank's 6-12 month old sweater. It's not that these things cannot be replaced - but it's these things, the little details of your life that you miss. I packed my glasses in Hank's bag, or they would be gone - and as I need them when I wake in the night, I'm lucky to have them. It's not the expensive things, it's the details you miss.
And the pall it cast over our trip. I feel so anxious about travel with Hank as it is - and all the stuff we are moving around - his bed, extra diapers, etc. Getting it all there, being there, figuring it all out. I know as he gets older some of this will get easier - but right now, it feels like a huge extra project to figure out. Then to have it end so dramatically - I am completely bummed out!
Really, it was hard having him at the beach - too much sun! Funny, the weather was perfect, but we couldn't really enjoy it -every time we took him out we slathered him with sunscreen, made him wear a hat (he has not come to know the joy of hats yet) and wrapped a light blanket around him. It was a huge production. We sat on the beach once - it was too windy. Terry made an amazing lean to for Hank, but in the end, it was still not enough and we went back to the house. I really felt a little house bound - not that there is anywhere to go - that is the point, but even the beach was a huge project.
So now we are back, having to replace all our little details, and the camera! and I do not feel like I had a vacation. Also, I am completely freaking out that I will never lose the weight - that I will never have time for my self and my goals again. And that summer will be over before I know it.
Friday, June 20, 2008
The Bitter and the Sweet
at just past 2 months with Hank, there are so many moments that seem significant. They come and go so quickly, he changes from happy to sad to sleepy in just a minute. I wish I could say I have loved every minute - and in a way, I have, but it is also hard and sad and intense and nerve-wracking. I wish I felt like I knew what I was doing, but between the sleep deprivation, more on that later, and the new-ness of it all, I get pretty overwhelmed.
Which isn't to say there haven't been some amazingly sweet and wonderful times. Hank loves to interact with us, and generally breaks into a huge grin when he wakes up and we go in to get him. He loves to play while getting his diapers changed and thinks his bath is a riot - he laughs and splashes during it. I try to read to him every day, and have a collection of poems, A Family of Poetry, edited by Caroline Kennedy that we read from. He loves to hear my voice, and seems to delight in this simple, quiet, fun. Of course, he also "talks" back while I am reading. He likes to watch the ceiling fans go around, and tolerates tummy time sometimes quite well - he does let us know when he is done!
In general, he is a happy boy, very sweet and snugly. Except when he is not! And that generally involves going to sleep. Right now he is fighting sleep! Last week it was in the day-time, this week more at night. When he wakes up, he cannot get back to sleep, and I often find myself rocking him in the dark, trying not to fall completely asleep too. He is still in his pack and play to sleep, but is quickly getting so big, I wonder how long it will last. In general, he is growing so much - next week we go to the doctor and I'm dying to see how much he weighs! It seems like some mornings I go in to get him and he looks bigger then he did the night before!
About this, I find myself worrying, as I seem to be doing with everything. Is it ok that he is not on a more regular schedule? How will I figure out how to return to work? How will I ever find the time to exercise? What will happen to my body? Where is my brain? Will it come back? Will this kid ever go to sleep? I am tortured when I'm annoyed that he isn't sleeping, and of course, the lack of sleep for me doesn't help. I just hope in the next few weeks it all begins to sort out a bit more.
Which isn't to say there haven't been some amazingly sweet and wonderful times. Hank loves to interact with us, and generally breaks into a huge grin when he wakes up and we go in to get him. He loves to play while getting his diapers changed and thinks his bath is a riot - he laughs and splashes during it. I try to read to him every day, and have a collection of poems, A Family of Poetry, edited by Caroline Kennedy that we read from. He loves to hear my voice, and seems to delight in this simple, quiet, fun. Of course, he also "talks" back while I am reading. He likes to watch the ceiling fans go around, and tolerates tummy time sometimes quite well - he does let us know when he is done!
In general, he is a happy boy, very sweet and snugly. Except when he is not! And that generally involves going to sleep. Right now he is fighting sleep! Last week it was in the day-time, this week more at night. When he wakes up, he cannot get back to sleep, and I often find myself rocking him in the dark, trying not to fall completely asleep too. He is still in his pack and play to sleep, but is quickly getting so big, I wonder how long it will last. In general, he is growing so much - next week we go to the doctor and I'm dying to see how much he weighs! It seems like some mornings I go in to get him and he looks bigger then he did the night before!
About this, I find myself worrying, as I seem to be doing with everything. Is it ok that he is not on a more regular schedule? How will I figure out how to return to work? How will I ever find the time to exercise? What will happen to my body? Where is my brain? Will it come back? Will this kid ever go to sleep? I am tortured when I'm annoyed that he isn't sleeping, and of course, the lack of sleep for me doesn't help. I just hope in the next few weeks it all begins to sort out a bit more.
Saturday, June 7, 2008
6 weeks and counting
We have just past the 6 week mark, and I have a few - very few - minutes to write and reflect about all that has gone on. It feels like time is going by so quickly - and yet I am living in a vacuum where I measure minutes by the amount of time Hank has slept, when he is supposed to wake, and how much he has eaten. Life happens in 3 hour increments. I feel like I am holding my breath a lot. Overall, it's been good and is getting better. Though I feel like I cross my fingers every time I say that. I always fear he will never go back to sleep - so far no matter what he goes down around 10pm, this is largely just my anxiety talking - but I can't seem to shake it.
There are been some rough days - I had mastitis during the 4th week - yikes that is hard and scary! Though I recovered quickly, it was 24 hours of basically sleeping and feeding Hank. I've been trying to learn from that lesson, and try not to do too much - to make sure I nap every day and drink enough liquid. We also had a visit from a lactation specialist - I was holding Hank too far forward and not pulling him close enough to my body when he eats. That helped a lot - but HHT is still a bit of a wiggly boy, who likes to try to use his hands when he eats - for what? I know not! and tries to push off the arm of the rocking chair when he gets' tired - the better to keep himself awake! He is a wily little boy - but I feel like I'm getting much better at reading his signs.
Hank has learned to smile in the past week and often wakes with a grin. He is eating well and now weighs over 10lbs - yikes, is going to keep growing like this? He has already grown out of his newborn clothes, though his 3-6 month outfits are pretty big. He really doesn't cry much, but squawks and coos to see if we are around. If we ignore him, he can work up quite a wail when he is serious. Now that we are at the 6th week, our schedule is beginning to stabilize. It's nice when I can actually plan for a shower! and we can eat without one of us running in to calm him. Also, since he is awake a bit more, we have more time to play!
He likes to listen to music, and I often play the list I made for him in itunes - I made it the first week or so he was home - and I think it might be time for a new one. I'll try to post it when I can. He really reacts to some of the songs, and it's fun to see his reaction.
I keep thinking - "wow, 6 weeks" it goes by so quickly! I cannot imagine how women deal with going back to work at this point - it's too soon. I can barely get a shower, dress myself and eat 3 times a day - and that is with Terry home full-time as well. I know we are lucky - our jobs give us so much more flexibility then most people, and this time off is heaven! I love just being with him - watching him wake up, seeing his smiles and chuckles, watching him watch things - he loves the ceiling fans! We do such a disservice to families in the US by not investing in maternity leave and child care the way other countries do. It breaks my heart to even think about going back to work - and it's not for 3 months still!
Today it is so hot! and has been - and will be. Hank is a little off his game - sleeping more, but not eating as well. Stress for Mommy - both mental and physical! It is so bad, we really can't take him out in this weather, so I'm starting to feel a little house bound! Because he isn't eating as well, his sleep schedule is off - arrgh! Just one more day and hopefully we will be back to "normal".
I can't say enough how much I am depending on Terry, or how much I am appreciating everything he is doing. From changing poopy diapers, to walking the dog, to cooking almost all of our meals, and making sure I nap, he really has taken on a huge share of the work. I feel sad that I'm not "helping" him more - and rather miss myself - my chores - laundry and cooking - as well as feeling like myself - both in body and mind. I know it will come, I am still hugely hormonal and almost crying at the sappiest things - and the weight is coming off - but I miss my clothes. I love my clothes! and not wearing them feels so odd. Plus I have no idea how to dress this new body - it's much curvier then my old one - 36DD's! A far cry from my 34B's!
That being said, there is nothing sweeter then watching Terry gently give Hank a bottle, change his diapers, and put him to bed. It's so beautiful - one of the many memories I will cherish on this journey of parenthood!
I know things will continue to change dramatically in the next couple months - and I look forward to the next challenges, even as I know Hank will never be so small again. Each day passes and I breath a sigh of relief that holds both the joys of motherhood and it's sweet sorrows.
There are been some rough days - I had mastitis during the 4th week - yikes that is hard and scary! Though I recovered quickly, it was 24 hours of basically sleeping and feeding Hank. I've been trying to learn from that lesson, and try not to do too much - to make sure I nap every day and drink enough liquid. We also had a visit from a lactation specialist - I was holding Hank too far forward and not pulling him close enough to my body when he eats. That helped a lot - but HHT is still a bit of a wiggly boy, who likes to try to use his hands when he eats - for what? I know not! and tries to push off the arm of the rocking chair when he gets' tired - the better to keep himself awake! He is a wily little boy - but I feel like I'm getting much better at reading his signs.
Hank has learned to smile in the past week and often wakes with a grin. He is eating well and now weighs over 10lbs - yikes, is going to keep growing like this? He has already grown out of his newborn clothes, though his 3-6 month outfits are pretty big. He really doesn't cry much, but squawks and coos to see if we are around. If we ignore him, he can work up quite a wail when he is serious. Now that we are at the 6th week, our schedule is beginning to stabilize. It's nice when I can actually plan for a shower! and we can eat without one of us running in to calm him. Also, since he is awake a bit more, we have more time to play!
He likes to listen to music, and I often play the list I made for him in itunes - I made it the first week or so he was home - and I think it might be time for a new one. I'll try to post it when I can. He really reacts to some of the songs, and it's fun to see his reaction.
I keep thinking - "wow, 6 weeks" it goes by so quickly! I cannot imagine how women deal with going back to work at this point - it's too soon. I can barely get a shower, dress myself and eat 3 times a day - and that is with Terry home full-time as well. I know we are lucky - our jobs give us so much more flexibility then most people, and this time off is heaven! I love just being with him - watching him wake up, seeing his smiles and chuckles, watching him watch things - he loves the ceiling fans! We do such a disservice to families in the US by not investing in maternity leave and child care the way other countries do. It breaks my heart to even think about going back to work - and it's not for 3 months still!
Today it is so hot! and has been - and will be. Hank is a little off his game - sleeping more, but not eating as well. Stress for Mommy - both mental and physical! It is so bad, we really can't take him out in this weather, so I'm starting to feel a little house bound! Because he isn't eating as well, his sleep schedule is off - arrgh! Just one more day and hopefully we will be back to "normal".
I can't say enough how much I am depending on Terry, or how much I am appreciating everything he is doing. From changing poopy diapers, to walking the dog, to cooking almost all of our meals, and making sure I nap, he really has taken on a huge share of the work. I feel sad that I'm not "helping" him more - and rather miss myself - my chores - laundry and cooking - as well as feeling like myself - both in body and mind. I know it will come, I am still hugely hormonal and almost crying at the sappiest things - and the weight is coming off - but I miss my clothes. I love my clothes! and not wearing them feels so odd. Plus I have no idea how to dress this new body - it's much curvier then my old one - 36DD's! A far cry from my 34B's!
That being said, there is nothing sweeter then watching Terry gently give Hank a bottle, change his diapers, and put him to bed. It's so beautiful - one of the many memories I will cherish on this journey of parenthood!
I know things will continue to change dramatically in the next couple months - and I look forward to the next challenges, even as I know Hank will never be so small again. Each day passes and I breath a sigh of relief that holds both the joys of motherhood and it's sweet sorrows.
Monday, June 2, 2008
Hank's Arrival
In an effort not to forget, I’m going to try to keep regular entries about my new life as a Mum, and Hank’s adventures in the big world.
Log Entry #1
06.02.08
It has been a busy and dramatic 5+weeks since Hank entered the world. Every day is a new adventure – filled with small joys and terrors. As we rode home from the hospital, (Thank you Auntie Marion, for getting the car and coming with us on our first trip!) I remember saying that every second of being pregnant and of labor and the cesarean were worth it – as Hank is the ultimate prize. Five weeks later, I would double that. Even when I’m tired and worn out and my patience is at an end, I could not imagine life without my little one. My world is transformed – I’m his Mummy.
Notes about Hank’s birth:
Hank was born exactly one week late. About 4am I began having contractions which moved quite rapidly and after a shower we loaded up and headed in a cab to the hospital. I was giddy with excitement and I’m sure huge hormone surge! Once there we quickly settled into a birthing room – right after the epidural – thank the lord! I never would have made it without that! My advice – if you are in serious pain, and I was, get the drugs! It really allows you to be present and enjoy the process. Not that my process went smoothly, or the way I hoped it might go.
Labor did not progress. By 11am we had already had one scare when Hank’s heart rate did not come back up after a contraction and Dr. Kaplan was concerned that if we waited much longer, he would be in further distress. At noon, we headed for the surgery and at 1:46 pm, Hank pulled out and began to wail! The cord was wrapped around his neck and he was trying to come out ear first – Dr. K. had never seen anything like it! Figures! Additionally, the Doc said he still thought Hank was too big to fit through my pelvis! Not that Hank was so big – 6lbs, 12 oz. And 18 inches long – but for my size and height, my pelvis is rather small.
It was a joy to hear his strong clear wail – and soon he was cleaned up, wrapped like a burrito and in his Daddy’s arms as they stitched me up. We managed to breast feed a bit, then went to our room to begin the process of recovery and getting to know each other. The few days in the hospital were a weird blur. Nurses coming and going, no real sleep, trying to learn to feed Hank. It was strange – and overall, I’m not convinced hospitals are designed to help you recover. Too much activity, not enough quite time – though the food was excellent!
My Dad arrived the morning after Hank was born, and there was something so reassuring about having him visit. I’m thrilled he got to meet him right away – to welcome him to the family so to speak. Other visitors included Marion, Bina and Rob, Cena and Alden, and Helen. It was so nice to see people – though I was easily tired. As I have found, life with a new baby, and recovery from a cesarean often leaves you tired. It has been frustrating to not be able to do the things I enjoy – sometimes even reading is too much - and I just need to nap.
In fact, I think that is what I’m off to do now!
More news soon!
Xx
alizabeth
Saturday, April 5, 2008
baby big - pelvis small
So yesterday at the doctor I received interesting news. Hank is not expected this week - still taking his time - but the doctor did say he would be on the larger size. Over 7lbs. While to some of you, that may not sound huge - the doctor did say for my size, and the size of my pelvis - Hank will be a big baby. He thinks as long as the delivery and labor progress on time I won't need to have a c-section - but he did say it would not be a fast delivery - so no hurry to get to the hospital once contractions are under way.
Hmmm, I can't say I'm not a bit worried - but also rather happy to have a bit more time before he arrives to work on the apartment and such. It's funny to start to think about him in such concrete terms.
Hmmm, I can't say I'm not a bit worried - but also rather happy to have a bit more time before he arrives to work on the apartment and such. It's funny to start to think about him in such concrete terms.
Thursday, February 28, 2008
Written by my Aunt Elizabeth "Bea"
I remember 2/26/07 like it was last night - when Bo and I went to the hospital that Sunday (she had been admitted Saturday night), she was sitting upright in bed in Inensive Care - they didn't have a bed for her in the "regular" section. Her spirits were good, she looked good and we were so confident that this was temporary. But I couldn't get out of my mind the question that haunted: what had made her fall?
The days started to mount up and by Wednesday, Bo and I knew there was something much more vital going on - the work of Mom preparing to leave us. I sat by her bed many hours and read my books and waited for things to change- but they didn't. More and more problems mounted - her colon, her heart, her pneumonia, her diminishing strength, her keen desire to see all of her family. She made me go to 1120 that first night and call the church women about some meeting - she didn't want anyone to think she had forgotten her duty.
More and more hospital professionals came to see us - the social worker who talked about Albion Manor (and to which Mom agreed without even a blink); various specialists. No one could help. No one could pinpoint what was going on in our mom. Only she knew the measure of her final days. She curled up with the shawl Martha brought her and refused food and withdrew more into the territory of leaving - as had Esther before her, and Gloria, and Leona, and Frank, and Cheryl Lynn, and Bill Mackie, and Dad...I want to think that she looked forward to joining them all. To dance once more with the 6 foot 3 inch man who had been her partner and her life's focus for over 50 years; to giggle once more with Gloria about the foibles of life in Empire; to share with Esther the peculiar pain of parenthood; to kick up her heels and recite some poetry ...
She was so resolute in her silence. No surprise there. She didn't ask for anything except to not be alone. And then we all did vigil - by the woman who had loved us and raised us all and sacrificed a career, her independence, her private dreams - to be Mrs. Gray. And what an act of love that was for this small and shy Empire woman - the only college educated person in her immediate family - a Nutrition and Dietetics major who braved and succeeded at Organic Chemistry and all other sorts of science - who worked in the clinic and must have been so, so lonely- but who knew how to make a goal and stick by it - in spite of no support from her own family and not a dime extra to spend on herself.
She was true to her style to the end. No pretense. No drama. No demands. No spoken regrets. She had loved and stood by our dad as she had loved and tended to us all.
She and I had such huge conflicts between us in our life together - but nothing will replace the quiet affection and humor and music and books we shared as she returned to being my mom full time - when I needed her most. I miss her terribly
With sorrow - and love - and a wish for our family to continue her tradition of abiding.
In the eventide, Elizabeth Ann
The days started to mount up and by Wednesday, Bo and I knew there was something much more vital going on - the work of Mom preparing to leave us. I sat by her bed many hours and read my books and waited for things to change- but they didn't. More and more problems mounted - her colon, her heart, her pneumonia, her diminishing strength, her keen desire to see all of her family. She made me go to 1120 that first night and call the church women about some meeting - she didn't want anyone to think she had forgotten her duty.
More and more hospital professionals came to see us - the social worker who talked about Albion Manor (and to which Mom agreed without even a blink); various specialists. No one could help. No one could pinpoint what was going on in our mom. Only she knew the measure of her final days. She curled up with the shawl Martha brought her and refused food and withdrew more into the territory of leaving - as had Esther before her, and Gloria, and Leona, and Frank, and Cheryl Lynn, and Bill Mackie, and Dad...I want to think that she looked forward to joining them all. To dance once more with the 6 foot 3 inch man who had been her partner and her life's focus for over 50 years; to giggle once more with Gloria about the foibles of life in Empire; to share with Esther the peculiar pain of parenthood; to kick up her heels and recite some poetry ...
She was so resolute in her silence. No surprise there. She didn't ask for anything except to not be alone. And then we all did vigil - by the woman who had loved us and raised us all and sacrificed a career, her independence, her private dreams - to be Mrs. Gray. And what an act of love that was for this small and shy Empire woman - the only college educated person in her immediate family - a Nutrition and Dietetics major who braved and succeeded at Organic Chemistry and all other sorts of science - who worked in the clinic and must have been so, so lonely- but who knew how to make a goal and stick by it - in spite of no support from her own family and not a dime extra to spend on herself.
She was true to her style to the end. No pretense. No drama. No demands. No spoken regrets. She had loved and stood by our dad as she had loved and tended to us all.
She and I had such huge conflicts between us in our life together - but nothing will replace the quiet affection and humor and music and books we shared as she returned to being my mom full time - when I needed her most. I miss her terribly
With sorrow - and love - and a wish for our family to continue her tradition of abiding.
In the eventide, Elizabeth Ann
Monday, January 21, 2008
And so it begins...
Then I found myself saying something I never imagined saying, “Duke, Penguins are not for dogs.” Terry spent 10 days in the beginning of the month putting up drywall and upgrading the apartment with the help of his folks, “Thank you both so much! I have no idea how we would have accomplished so much without your generous help!” While I bounced around staying at different friends homes, “and thank you so much for opening your doors to me. With all the dust, and smells, Hank and I couldn’t stay here while the major construction was ongoing.”
Now we are trying to create a semblance of order in our home, and put things away so that the living room doesn’t look and feel like a bomb exploded in it. Those of you still waiting on X-mas gifts – they are in the debris field – I’m sure they will turn up soon. It’s only a couple more layers until we hit floor. Every day we work on our projects, getting less done then we hoped, but we have chipped away at it – and now the new Elfa closet is in – goodbye Ikea dressers, hello clean white organized heaven! Our new desk is in place beside the window, and above it, a nice set of shelves – still empty - maybe today that will change! We have ordered our new bed – with drawers underneath, 6 – 8 weeks away. We have swept, vacuumed, and moped the floors more times in two weeks then in the last year – goodbye dust – ha! There have also been many trips to The Container Store – on the plus side, they do have very nice bathrooms! Today I will order new blinds, and try to find a curtain for Hank’s hospital style curtain track, which defines the area we now refer to as “Hank’s room.”
Slowly we are getting ready. Marion Fasel, gal-pal extraordinaire, and close friend going back to our junior high days in Columbia, MO. is organizing a baby shower for March 22. I have created a registry and am trying to decide between cloth and disposable diapers. Terry is voting for disposable – fear of poo-smells! Hank is growing well, I’m on track for a “perfect pregnancy” according to my doctor, but I am starting to feel huge, and Hank is beginning to move more – sometimes to the point of nausea for me. He is responding to sounds from the outside world – yesterday the music at a café really got him going – as if he was trying to learn the rumba!
Hank is beginning to accumulate a few things, a couple shirts, a hat, and several stuffed animals, including a penguin and a monkey as well as several bears. Yesterday I walked out of the bathroom to discover the penguin had moved from his perch on the couch to the floor of the bedroom, right in a lovely sun-splashed spot. There is only one way this could happen – Duke. I picked up the penguin, he is fine, if a bit damp, and admonished Duke. What a sad little pathetic dog-face he created in response, you could almost see the little wheels turning in his head, “What do you mean, not for dogs? Who else would it be for?” Then he sighed, and went to find something else to play with as I had a premonition that this was a glimpse into our future. Duke has been an only dog for so long, and now things are changing. Right after Christmas he completely freaked out and would not sit by me, or even come near me. At first we thought he was sick, but realized he had begun to feel Hank move, and was scared. This lasted until I went away for a week, and we moved everything in the house around – something he hates. When I came home, he was so happy to see me, but now avoids the ever-increasing belly. We are trying to prepare him as much as possible, we washed him in baby shampoo, and have read up on other techniques to help him adjust, but I can’t help but be a little sad that indeed penguins, and I’m sure many other things to come are, “ not for dogs.”
Now we are trying to create a semblance of order in our home, and put things away so that the living room doesn’t look and feel like a bomb exploded in it. Those of you still waiting on X-mas gifts – they are in the debris field – I’m sure they will turn up soon. It’s only a couple more layers until we hit floor. Every day we work on our projects, getting less done then we hoped, but we have chipped away at it – and now the new Elfa closet is in – goodbye Ikea dressers, hello clean white organized heaven! Our new desk is in place beside the window, and above it, a nice set of shelves – still empty - maybe today that will change! We have ordered our new bed – with drawers underneath, 6 – 8 weeks away. We have swept, vacuumed, and moped the floors more times in two weeks then in the last year – goodbye dust – ha! There have also been many trips to The Container Store – on the plus side, they do have very nice bathrooms! Today I will order new blinds, and try to find a curtain for Hank’s hospital style curtain track, which defines the area we now refer to as “Hank’s room.”
Slowly we are getting ready. Marion Fasel, gal-pal extraordinaire, and close friend going back to our junior high days in Columbia, MO. is organizing a baby shower for March 22. I have created a registry and am trying to decide between cloth and disposable diapers. Terry is voting for disposable – fear of poo-smells! Hank is growing well, I’m on track for a “perfect pregnancy” according to my doctor, but I am starting to feel huge, and Hank is beginning to move more – sometimes to the point of nausea for me. He is responding to sounds from the outside world – yesterday the music at a café really got him going – as if he was trying to learn the rumba!
Hank is beginning to accumulate a few things, a couple shirts, a hat, and several stuffed animals, including a penguin and a monkey as well as several bears. Yesterday I walked out of the bathroom to discover the penguin had moved from his perch on the couch to the floor of the bedroom, right in a lovely sun-splashed spot. There is only one way this could happen – Duke. I picked up the penguin, he is fine, if a bit damp, and admonished Duke. What a sad little pathetic dog-face he created in response, you could almost see the little wheels turning in his head, “What do you mean, not for dogs? Who else would it be for?” Then he sighed, and went to find something else to play with as I had a premonition that this was a glimpse into our future. Duke has been an only dog for so long, and now things are changing. Right after Christmas he completely freaked out and would not sit by me, or even come near me. At first we thought he was sick, but realized he had begun to feel Hank move, and was scared. This lasted until I went away for a week, and we moved everything in the house around – something he hates. When I came home, he was so happy to see me, but now avoids the ever-increasing belly. We are trying to prepare him as much as possible, we washed him in baby shampoo, and have read up on other techniques to help him adjust, but I can’t help but be a little sad that indeed penguins, and I’m sure many other things to come are, “ not for dogs.”
And so it begins...
Then I found myself saying something I never imagined saying, “Duke, Penguins are not for dogs.” Terry spent 10 days in the beginning of the month putting up drywall and upgrading the apartment with the help of his folks, “Thank you both so much! I have no idea how we would have accomplished so much without your generous help!” While I bounced around staying at different friends homes, “and thank you so much for opening your doors to me. With all the dust, and smells, Hank and I couldn’t stay here while the major construction was ongoing.”
Now we are trying to create a semblance of order in our home, and put things away so that the living room doesn’t look and feel like a bomb exploded in it. Those of you still waiting on X-mas gifts – they are in the debris field – I’m sure they will turn up soon. It’s only a couple more layers until we hit floor. Every day we work on our projects, getting less done then we hoped, but we have chipped away at it – and now the new Elfa closet is in – goodbye Ikea dressers, hello clean white organized heaven! Our new desk is in place beside the window, and above it, a nice set of shelves – still empty - maybe today that will change! We have ordered our new bed – with drawers underneath, 6 – 8 weeks away. We have swept, vacuumed, and moped the floors more times in two weeks then in the last year – goodbye dust – ha! There have also been many trips to The Container Store – on the plus side, they do have very nice bathrooms! Today I will order new blinds, and try to find a curtain for Hank’s hospital style curtain track, which defines the area we now refer to as “Hank’s room.”
Slowly we are getting ready. Marion Fasel, gal-pal extraordinaire, and close friend going back to our junior high days in Columbia, MO. is organizing a baby shower for March 22. I have created a registry and am trying to decide between cloth and disposable diapers. Terry is voting for disposable – fear of poo-smells! Hank is growing well, I’m on track for a “perfect pregnancy” according to my doctor, but I am starting to feel huge, and Hank is beginning to move more – sometimes to the point of nausea for me. He is responding to sounds from the outside world – yesterday the music at a café really got him going – as if he was trying to learn the rumba!
Hank is beginning to accumulate a few things, a couple shirts, a hat, and several stuffed animals, including a penguin and a monkey as well as several bears. Yesterday I walked out of the bathroom to discover the penguin had moved from his perch on the couch to the floor of the bedroom, right in a lovely sun-splashed spot. There is only one way this could happen – Duke. I picked up the penguin, he is fine, if a bit damp, and admonished Duke. What a sad little pathetic dog-face he created in response, you could almost see the little wheels turning in his head, “What do you mean, not for dogs? Who else would it be for?” Then he sighed, and went to find something else to play with as I had a premonition that this was a glimpse into our future. Duke has been an only dog for so long, and now things are changing. Right after Christmas he completely freaked out and would not sit by me, or even come near me. At first we thought he was sick, but realized he had begun to feel Hank move, and was scared. This lasted until I went away for a week, and we moved everything in the house around – something he hates. When I came home, he was so happy to see me, but now avoids the ever-increasing belly. We are trying to prepare him as much as possible, we washed him in baby shampoo, and have read up on other techniques to help him adjust, but I can’t help but be a little sad that indeed penguins, and I’m sure many other things to come are, “ not for dogs.”
Now we are trying to create a semblance of order in our home, and put things away so that the living room doesn’t look and feel like a bomb exploded in it. Those of you still waiting on X-mas gifts – they are in the debris field – I’m sure they will turn up soon. It’s only a couple more layers until we hit floor. Every day we work on our projects, getting less done then we hoped, but we have chipped away at it – and now the new Elfa closet is in – goodbye Ikea dressers, hello clean white organized heaven! Our new desk is in place beside the window, and above it, a nice set of shelves – still empty - maybe today that will change! We have ordered our new bed – with drawers underneath, 6 – 8 weeks away. We have swept, vacuumed, and moped the floors more times in two weeks then in the last year – goodbye dust – ha! There have also been many trips to The Container Store – on the plus side, they do have very nice bathrooms! Today I will order new blinds, and try to find a curtain for Hank’s hospital style curtain track, which defines the area we now refer to as “Hank’s room.”
Slowly we are getting ready. Marion Fasel, gal-pal extraordinaire, and close friend going back to our junior high days in Columbia, MO. is organizing a baby shower for March 22. I have created a registry and am trying to decide between cloth and disposable diapers. Terry is voting for disposable – fear of poo-smells! Hank is growing well, I’m on track for a “perfect pregnancy” according to my doctor, but I am starting to feel huge, and Hank is beginning to move more – sometimes to the point of nausea for me. He is responding to sounds from the outside world – yesterday the music at a café really got him going – as if he was trying to learn the rumba!
Hank is beginning to accumulate a few things, a couple shirts, a hat, and several stuffed animals, including a penguin and a monkey as well as several bears. Yesterday I walked out of the bathroom to discover the penguin had moved from his perch on the couch to the floor of the bedroom, right in a lovely sun-splashed spot. There is only one way this could happen – Duke. I picked up the penguin, he is fine, if a bit damp, and admonished Duke. What a sad little pathetic dog-face he created in response, you could almost see the little wheels turning in his head, “What do you mean, not for dogs? Who else would it be for?” Then he sighed, and went to find something else to play with as I had a premonition that this was a glimpse into our future. Duke has been an only dog for so long, and now things are changing. Right after Christmas he completely freaked out and would not sit by me, or even come near me. At first we thought he was sick, but realized he had begun to feel Hank move, and was scared. This lasted until I went away for a week, and we moved everything in the house around – something he hates. When I came home, he was so happy to see me, but now avoids the ever-increasing belly. We are trying to prepare him as much as possible, we washed him in baby shampoo, and have read up on other techniques to help him adjust, but I can’t help but be a little sad that indeed penguins, and I’m sure many other things to come are, “ not for dogs.”
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